chance of irritability.

the skies are cloudy,
clouded.
like they do not know
where they are meant to go.

i find myself
wondering,
wandering through,
living a half/life.

my heartbeat is slowing down.
it is cloudy. almost clouded.

i have walked and walked,
if only i could find my way
on the back of the wind,
nothing would hold me back.

that is the wish anyway.
but wishes are only for the lonely.

and clouds are not lonely.

roadways.

1.
this is off to another world,
a different place.

years ago i might have
left along with you.
but this is not my walk.
this road is not my own
to bear.

i've learned that when
you bare your soul,
you never get it back.

and you can keep on walking,
just keep walking,
for as long as you can to find it,
whatever you're looking for.

until your feet start bleeding,
and keep bleeding more,
you will never find
your soul.

this is not your road.

2.
i was telling you once,
to listen to the stars,
do not follow your heart,
it will only end up
broken.

now you are too late
to find me again.
you lost your talk
with the stars,
and your soul
is scattered.

you have lost you.

flashbulb.

http://yournoonlightspecial.blogspot.com is now http://flashbulbasmemory.blogspot.com

not what i wanted...but it's a good change.

moons.

this is not what i have done,
not who i'm becoming.

it was only a thought brought on
by the vanishing of the moon,
when you asked your mother
where it had gone.
how could something
so beautiful just disappear?

but you know that it was
a cold thing,
just like your mother.
beautiful, mysterious,
but cold.

over the years, you grew up the same,
and the world forgot,
stopped questioning the darkness,
and lived the same as they always had.

but you grew up cold,
heartless, it was said.
just like the woman from the moon.

painted lady daydreams.

painted dreams are for the lonely.

who are you,

but a painted lady.

your smile was smudged

when you were born,

in a world far away,

a different time.

but the people always spoke

of the clearness of your eyes,

how it seemed you saw

everything, everyone.

they said you were

always watching out

for them.

you know who you

were watching out for.

someone from your past

lives. someone

too old to remember

the way things happened.

people speak of the way

your dark hair shines,

and they whisper,

yes, it must have

been a great love.

thoughts.

there was something you once said,
about a girl who lost her way.

never tried to find it again.

you said, in a voice that was not afraid,
that she would receive her punishments.

i see now her crimes were against you.

was it enough for you to take everything back?
she took your words, twisted them
into dreams.

but you cannot take back nightmares.

dreams.

there was something i remember someone saying,
once,
about how they thought
my life should go.

they said it should have ended differently,
not the way i dreamed it.

i never told them how my dream went.

how everything was dark,
the sky fell down,
ripped the stars and the sun down
with it - crashing.

all i could do was run and run and run,
but the sun was coming down
burning everything up,
i was still alone.

then all at once it was stopped,
and i couldn't scream,
because there was no noise.

truth.

i am just a head in a crowd.

are you fitting in to everyone who is different?